All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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