They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
