did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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