Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Less talking, more tequila
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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