so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
