I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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