2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
