drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Randomize
