Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
