Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize