It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
