Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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