i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
