All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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