nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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