I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
