Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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