even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
