I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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