Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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