I'm drive I can fine osifer
My hand turned me down
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
