Swine flu. Run for my life!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
