I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
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The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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