He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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