Soap is not a condiment
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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