He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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