Don't you send me to vm
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
