No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
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WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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