Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
