Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
