god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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