Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
