There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize