Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
