i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
