you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
