he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
