please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
