There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
