I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
