I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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