Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
