She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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