right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize