Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
