Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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