I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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