We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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