dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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