i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
