dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
