I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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