Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?