Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Welp...herpes.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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