I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
