I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
